


Better Than I Know Myself

by Effie_Peletier, Telas_Selar



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Concerned Boyfriend Hugh, Culmets - Freeform, Grumpy Paul, Hugh is slightly amused, M/M, Self-destructive Paul, Tilly is a sweetheart, dad!Paul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18912853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Effie_Peletier/pseuds/Effie_Peletier, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telas_Selar/pseuds/Telas_Selar
Summary: After a deeply satisfying night, Paul's grumpiness turns into spontaneous affection, both towards his partner and the cadet they both see as their daughter.[Co-starring Effie_Peletier as Cadet Sylvia Tilly]





	Better Than I Know Myself

"Morning" Paul muttered as he stumbled into the room, trying not to drop his mug of coffee. He looked slightly flushed, and his lips twitched up every so often as though recalling a fond memory.

"Good morning sir" Tilly grinned, spinning on her heel to look at her boss. She always loved being in engineering, fixing, making, discovering. It was the company that made it special though. Stamets was amazing. 

"Sir are you feeling alright?"she asked furrowing her brow. 

He very nearly tripped over something and quickly threw out an arm to break his fall, still managing to keep his mug from spilling. Clearly he was having trouble walking. 

"Yes. Fine. Why?" He sounded grumpy.

Tilly blinked at him, stifling a chuckle at his movements. This wasn't like Stamets, the put together, straight faced man she knew so well. This was.... different. "Well sir... you seem to be having a little issue with your walking..." she paused, eyes scanning over him. "Did you have a _good_ night last night?" At that she did chuckle slightly. 

He narrowed his eyes and put the mug down.

"I am fine thank you very much, Cadet" he practically growled. "Have you even bothered to eat breakfast? You look..." He struggled to find a word. "...not…”He gave it up after about a minute. His mind was not being very helpful today.

Tilly couldn't help the smirk that crept onto her lips. This wasn't like him at all. "You know me sir. Bowl of low fat yogurt and honey with a cup of strong tea. Nothing like it." She smiled at him. Trying to tell just what was wrong with Stamets. "Sir, if you're not feeling well today I'll be able to hold down the fort here. You have trained me well enough to know what I'm doing. And don’t get me wrong but I don’t think you're going to be any help today sir…”

"I'm fine!" He blurted out. "Just fine! Really-”

Pulling her lips into a little shocked line she nodded at him. Turning her thinned lips into a smile. "Alright... well sir, if you're feeling up to it then I do require your help... There’s an issue with one of the turbo shafts on deck 7... we need to go and see what the issue is and fix it, of course they don't let you go alone in there in case anything happens... so if you could accompany me that would be helpful.”

"Wh- yes. Of course. Give me a second to um.." He drank half the coffee in one go and attempted to fix his uniform jacket. He usually kept the sleeves up, but both of them were down, suggesting that he'd pulled his clothes on in a massive hurry.

Tilly arched a brow. Smirking to herself. This was something her Granna used to do to her when she was obviously hiding something. Make her do something she would usually be good at and then ask her things whilst she was doing it. All her focus would be on the thing she usually would be able to do without thinking and therefore her answers would be real. "Of course sir. Let me know when you're prepared to go - how is Doctor Culber?" She asked. Taking her eyes away from Stamets to the screen in front of her as she started flicking through some documents on it.

"Hot" Paul muttered, half in a daze. He was behaving similarly to the state of euphoria connecting to the spore drive usually seemed to cause. "Extremely, most incredibly hot.”

She couldn't help it. A bubble of laughter escaped her at her boss’ outburst. "Sir!" She gasped slightly, laughing into her palm that now covered her mouth. Her eyes widening as they went to him again.

He seemed to realise what he was saying and a deep red flush crept up his pale neck.

"I.. I mean. This..this coffee. It's.. Very hot." Turning away to hide the fact that he was openly blushing in front of her, Paul hastily made for the doors.

Tilly held herself slightly, attempting to quiet her mind which was spinning with questions. "Oh - yeah - sorry sir.... got the wrong end of the stick there..." she paused watching him for a moment as he went for the door. "Shall we head out to the turbo shaft sir?”

"Yes, of course." He ducked his head and stepped out before he could possibly embarrass himself more. Or at least, so he hoped.

Grabbing the already equipped tool kit she quickly followed him. Her mind landing on a question to ask to further find out what exactly had happened as she fell into step with him. "So if in fact the coffee was the thing that was hot - how is Doctor Culber?" She smiled, she would pass this off as a friendly chat... nothing more. 

Paul blushed more deeply, his gaze fixated on the ground.

"Extremely well hu-" He paused, clearing his throat before he could say the wrong thing- again. "I mean...brilliant. Very...brilliant. In uh...in multiple fields.”

She swallowed her laugh, biting her tongue as she watched her boss struggle. Of course this wasn't something she would usually do, but if Stamets was a little more open usually she wouldn't have had to take advantage now. "Well I'm glad to hear that- you know last night I swear I saw you and he in the ship's bar - " she paused. Her eyes moving to him. "I got called away and wasn't able to come and say hello - did you two have a good night...?”

"Define that?" Paul managed as casually as he could with shaking hands, an unsteady walk and a deep blush. So not that casual, but there was most definitely an attempt. "Define a good night, I mean. Of course.”

"Well sir, if we're speaking off record usually I define a good night as getting hugely off my ass and getting some... " she paused, perhaps she shouldn't have said that... "but I mean, a good night just means having fun sir... I just I mean... um... you seem a little hungover if I'm being honest sir... “

"I um..I might have had some..vodka..at some point" Paul admitted. "Of course that was nothing compared to the-"

He hastily cut himself off, internally wondering where the actual hell his verbal filter was.

"Oh that's a killer - " she scoffed slightly. There were many times which she had fallen victim to Vodka - and my lord the hangover in the morning... it wasn't fun. "So a heavy night then sir -" she paused again, looking to him. "Sir if you need to lay down at any point let me know…”

"I'm alright, Cadet, really." He dearly hoped she wouldn't suggest he get a medical examination, or he might just faint in horror. Well, not exactly, but the mere idea of...that..after..

He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Well sir I am just saying perhaps you shouldn't be working but as you're already here maybe going down to med-bay and seeing if they have anything for a hangover?" She quirked her eyebrow again. "Although it might have to wait until after we finish in the turbo shaft…”

"I.. I think I'm good." He blushed impossibly more at the thought of that. If anything, he knew that the effects of the night before wouldn't be as strong with his partner. He'd definitely be aware enough to do quite a lot. _Maybe you should stop thinking_ his mind told him. _It seems as though she can read your thoughts. Either that, or you're extremely obvious._

"Are we.. Are we there yet?"

Paul was pointedly not looking up. 

Tilly nodded at his words, although she was a little dubious about his reasons for not wanting to be on his best form... perhaps this had something to do with Hugh... her brow furrowed at his other words. Surely he would know if they were there... he knew this ship almost as well as she did. "Almost sir... one more corridor. Are you sure you're feeling quite well - the last time you didn't remember where things were on the ship we needed you to get down to med-bay very quickly…”

"It's alright, really." He passed a hand over his eyes and tried to tell himself to mentally get a grip.

Essentially, there was no reason for his confusion but embarrassment, but now at Tilly's words, doubt slowly crept into his mind, and he hurried to recall the last number of jumps he'd undertaken.

  _45_ he thought. _45 jumps. I'm fine. Anxiety really has no place here._

"I might be a little hazy after last night" he admitted honestly. "I haven't been with someone like that in a long time."

Almost immediately, he was blushing again. He hastily shut his mouth and sped up his pace.

Clearly he was doing more damage by speaking than by staying silent.

Tilly admired Stamets she had to admit, if she was as hungover as he evidently was she would have asked for someone to cover her shift. But here he was, telling everyone he was fine. Tilly's face reacted before she could control it, joy mixed with excitement and a slight weird dad just said something naughty face being pulled as her eyes went a little wide. "Sir! - I... well... go.. good for you!" A wide grin cracked on her lips. She was almost tempted to punch his arm but held herself. "I assume it was... um... well... um... yknow... good…”

He made some sort of non-committal noise in response to that, fully convinced that they'd be able to accomplish this without incident- until a taller figure collided head-first with him.

Paul was prepared to grumble very openly about it, except.. The man in front of him was the last person he wanted to meet in front of Tilly.

Hastily stepping back, Paul tried to keep up his casual façade, but this failed upon seeing the look on Hugh's face.

"You alright there, Paul?" He asked him, gaze flickering over the science officer's position, and the way he was holding himself. "I wasn't too hard on y-"

Flustered to hell and back, Paul did the only thing he could possibly think of to avoid further embarrassment.

He kissed him.

Hard.

They were almost there now, just a few more feet, instinctively Tilly knew this. But her brain was running 1000 miles an hour. It wasn't often that she got to speak to Stamets so openly... or rather, it wasn't often that Stamets spoke openly about anything... so this was new... and had she known what was coming... well she would have woken up in an even better mood. Instead she watched as Stamets and the doctor collided in front of her, in a blink of the eye Stamets had been kissing Culber... well there was something you didn't see every day... a public show of affection... from Stamets of all people. Tilly blinked, almost wanting to pinch herself to make sure that this was real... she pulled her lips into a tight line, her eyes moving away from them. This had not been where she thought this was going to end up…

Hugh blinked in confusion and surprise as Paul pulled away from him.

"That was...unexpected at best, are you-"

Paul just kissed him again, clearly past caring if Tilly saw them or not.

The doctor gave up trying to have a conversation and melted into the kiss, knowing that Paul was stubborn, but he did mean well.

When Paul let go of him a second time, Hugh kept his mouth shut concerning the events of the previous night, and hastened to straighten his collar.

"I'll...see around, Paul. Upon completion of…whatever it is you're doing."

Stamets nodded, a slight grin twitching up his lips as he turned away towards the turbo lift.

Hugh stood there for a moment, before he found himself grinning too.

Tilly shuffled nervously, not really knowing what to do with herself in this moment... it was like watching her parents kiss in front of her. Not that she remembered what that felt like - all her parents did in front of her was argue- in fact that's all they ever did... until her dad left... 

But she imagined this was the feeling of that sort of field... 

Her eyes darted anywhere but them as they kissed again. No one else in the corridor but them made this even more awkward for her as they seemed to finally part. She gave a slight smile to Hugh, moving to the hatch that led them to the turbo shaft quickly. "Whenever you're ready sir..." she flashed him a smile... part of her wanted to ask them both WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? and the other wanted to run, hide and tell Michael everything she had just seen.

Hugh walked away, looking considerably less stressed than he had before, but Paul just looked as if he'd just rediscovered the wonders of the mycelial network all over again as he followed Tilly. 

"So..." she started, not really knowing where to go from there. Instead she climbed into the turbo shaft and started to climb further. "Um... can I just say sir... that well... um... I'm... I'm very happy to see you so... well happy…”

Paul gave her a genuine, yet giddy smile as he followed more rapidly than he usually would have, as though his pent up energy was eager to be released, hangover aside. 

"He makes me feel complete. Before, I was...lost. Indifferent to the wonders of the universe, at least not as aware as I'd imagined. He helped me see it as it truly is and it's…incredible.”

Tilly smiled to herself. Thinking back to the people she had met that had helped her become who she was today. To see the beauty in life and enjoy it. 

"May I ask, if you don't mind sir, of course, how did you and Dr Culber meet?”

Paul paused where he was, thinking for a moment before he looked back at her.

"Well...Hugh and I fell in love after I told him to get lost. I was on a wonderful café on Alpha Centauri, when three seats down, comes this _hideous_ humming. Have you ever heard someone trying to hum Kasseelian opera? I told him to stifle it, or sit somewhere else but _instead_.. He sat right next to me. And he's been there ever since."

The science officer smiled softly to himself, caught for a moment...in a memory. A beautiful memory that only sparked one brilliant thing after the next.

Tilly smiled at his words. This was a one off, something she had been wanting to ask for a while and now - now she had an answer and it was better than she had hoped. She wasn't one to fall into gossip or one to even care about what exactly others did with themselves. But Stamets was her friend and she wanted to know everything about him. So this was nice. To be able to ask him questions. 

"That certainly sounds like you..." she chuckled. "Its beautiful sir. That you and he met like that.”

Paul smiled back lightly.

"Yes well...love knows no bounds. It's a vast universe after all. In every which way."

He pulled his sleeves up, exposing the augments.

"If it weren't for these.. Every jump would feel like pure scorching fire in my veins, but Hugh helped me. He found a way to lessen my pain, and I'm grateful. I wouldn't have asked. I'd do anything for this ship, this crew, but he cares."

Paul looked almost dazed for a moment.

"He cares when I don't. It's..definitely something new, but it's..nice. To feel something like this. If it weren't for him, I would constantly risk my life without a second thought but he..gives me something..some _one_ to live for."

Tilly listened to his words. She knew that feeling, knew what it was like to meet people that actually cared, cared about you when you thought no one else did - it was a strange sensation at first - something she wasn't very well equipped at feeling, but when she finally did find that - when she found her tribe, here on Discovery and back at Starfleet Academy - she realised how much more powerful you felt. How amazing it felt to have a team that listened to you - that took your ideas and rolled with them. She smiled at him again, her eyes crinkling at the side. "I'm glad the universe bought you two together sir." she thought fondly to herself for a moment before seeing a flashing light up ahead which signaled a fault. "I think everything happens for a reason - and I have to say I am very pleased that you and he ended up together - without the two of you - we would all be dead…”

"No, Cadet we...we weren't the only two people on this ship to make a sacrifice. I might sacrifice my mind and my body, sure. Hugh sacrifices his mind constantly, never knowing if my next jump will be my last. He chose to be with me, a self-destructive man who could die any second when he could have had practically anyone else. But you sacrifice everything everyday, too. You make...impossible choices. Starfleet never makes it easy yet you're here. You're here. And for that, I'm grateful.”

Tilly swallowed, the words of the other had struck a chord in her she didn't realise would result in tears springing to her eyes. Blinking them away she smiled to herself. She had learnt the hard way that Starfleet was somewhere bad things happened but if you stayed calm and helped your crew everything would be fine. Sacrifice was part of the job. "Everyone aboard this ship signed up for that sir, you have gone above and beyond - you didn't need to inject yourself with the tardagrade DNA - I don’t think anyone else would have done that... “

Paul turned, gently taking her hands in his. In his eyes was a light that was rarely ever visible. 

"Don't you see, Tilly? I _had_ to. If I didn't, I'd have let a poor innocent creature suffer just to save the lives of our crew. If anything, this was the best way, and I regret nothing. Yes, it's painful. Of course. But every sacrifice comes with pain, and this.. This is the type of pain I can bear. And the time of pain that will save us all, in due time.”

Tilly's eyes went to their hands. This was a first... Stamets showing her any kind of affection was one thing, but actually making any sort of physical contact... well that was something else. Her eyes went up to him, concern on her features mixed with apprehension and appreciation. He was something else - everyone else was too concerned about saving their own asses but Stamets... he put himself in danger every single time they jumped. More danger than anybody else. And he was okay with it. "Pain is something we all live with, yes sir, but you - you save us all the time. Without prompting.”

His own expression was wistful. 

"If I didn't, I'd be very...very disappointed in myself. I have the means...to ignore them would be a cruel notion on my part. And...maybe it's time I told you that I see you as more than just a Starfleet officer. I see you like a daughter."

Paul paused to press a gentle kiss to her forehead before he pulled away, a slight smile twitching up his lips. 

"Come on. I believe we have a turbo lift to fix.”

 

 

 


End file.
